We are a Holy People

When I get mad at my mom, or my dad, or my siblings... dealing with it or talking about it can be tricky.

Being mad at a friend is a completely different scenario compared to being mad at a family member, mostly, because you can deal with it easier.

1) Your family will take your side... lets face it. Even if I was wrong my mom or dad would tell me where I was wrong, but they would still have my back just the same...
2) You can walk away from a fight with a friend and go think... with a family member... not so much. You can still hear their voice booming from downstairs, or worse... they could walk right up to you before you were ready and you would have nowhere to run.. you're already home.
3) Talking to your family about a fight with a friend is fine, your friend is probably doing the same thing with their family and no one in your house gets too distressed or disturbed by you talking about it with them... But.... when there is a fight on the home front, your family becomes stressed, on edge, and tight... If you want to go to a family member to talking about a fight you had with another family member, you are not "just talking about a fight" you are talking ABOUT that PERSON, a person both you and the other family member trust and love- which will come off as backstabbing and gossip, two forms of betrayal that can tear and rip a person at their core. The worst part- the family member that you choose to go talk to you, you bring down right with you- the person you had the fight with now feels betrayed and hurt by BOTH of you for talking about them behind their back.

Living in a big family is even more difficult when it comes to dealing with arguments. "One person saw something that the other didn't," "this person is lying," "this person is right and that one is wrong," one simple conflict between two people can turn into a blood battle between two sides. Recruiting people- a simple yet effective tactic to sting the very heart and soul of other person... and the worst part... is that we know it does.. which makes us evil. 

Proverbs 12:26

A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

I have thought about this a long time... I asked myself who do I want to be? Do I want to be the cause of turmoil and distraught between friends and loved ones? What can I do to make a loving home? What can I do to keep the peace?

...Go to God with my problems...???

He tells us to doesn't He? You think there is a reason for that? Maybe for a few of the reasons I just named? 

Ephesians 4: 26-32 says:

^{Be angry, and do not sin, do not let the sun go down on your anger, nor give place to the devil. Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.}

I like to lay in bed after a good fight with my family... I like to go to the "home inside my home" where I can be somewhat "alone." God told me something today that spoke volumes to me... 
...When I go to Him with a fight, it doesn't change his feelings for the other person. It just HURTS Him to watch what both me and the other person are hurting and suffering from... all the anger and turmoil... its Evil. We weren't created to have knowledge of Evil. We weren't created to go through this... When Adam and Eve ate the fruit... they discovered something that was supposed to be foreign and set apart from us. We were created to be Holy creatures. We weren't made to be cut out for the knowledge of sin. We weren't made to be cut out for the knowledge of Evil. Why do you think it hurts so much? 


By going to Him, the one who holds all knowledge, and telling Him about what happened- about how I am feeling- He is hurting right with me. He would be hurting right with me regardless of wether I went to Him or not... but for me to see my God, my Creator, my Father hurting with me and hurting for that other person- gives me just a bit of a taste of how we were meant to be, and Just How Much it Nails Him to the cross OVER and OVER again when we choose to 1) try and deal with the pain and knowledge, which He is sovereign over, by ourselves and to 2) fail in the process. WE WEREN'T CUT OUT FOR IT. We just weren't. We were made IN THE BEGINNING to be Good. We were made IN THE BEGINNING to be Holy.........
......How much would it pain you to be set apart from something you created? and then brought together AGAIN by the Blood of your Holy and perfect Son! but yet... still set aside by your creation by their own choice? 

I hate what this earth has to offer... I HATE it. The only good I get while I am here in this world comes from the only good that exists. And thats My GOD!

Yearn for Him brothers and sisters! We are a HOLY PEOPLE!
A Warrior for the King,
Bekah

The Walls will Crumble.

As I near the hour of my departure, I feel myself becoming more and more scared to leave the comfort of my home and family. I have never been away from home for longer than two weeks (and even then I went to Lake Tahoe with my brother to be with my Aunt, Uncle, and cousins). This will be my first trip- by myself- a million miles away from home- without the comfort of knowing exactly what the destination will look like. When I begin to doubt myself and start to fear the days ahead, I pray about what this YWAM DTS is going to be all about for me. I pray about what God wants to teach me. I think about what He wants to change in me.


The expectations to meet while I am in the training program:

• Learning to hear and obey God's voice through the Word of God and the inspiration of the Holy Spirit.
• Understanding the world we live in and the importance of worship, intercessory prayer, community and spiritual warfare.
• Discovering callings and gifts.

What I feel God is really going to pound into me is learning how to love people more. He is going to teach me how to forgive people. To be patient with people. To stop judging people. I feel that I am going to hear Him more and listen for Him more. I feel I am going to discover my calling and gifts. I know this trip is going to impact me in more ways than one, but I also know the process is going to strip my soul bare of pride and it will hurt... a lot. 

My mind wanders to that one scene in "Voyage of the Dawn Treader" when Eustace is still a dragon and he is scratching at himself trying to take off his scales. What really hits me about this scene is that it takes Eustace aching and weeping before Aslan, asking him to help him, for Aslan to finally scrape deep into the dragon flesh and change Eustace back into a boy. I think God is going to be scraping at my inner flesh in an effort to transform me into a better daughter. Into a better sister. Into a better friend. Its going to be painful and it will burn, but it will be "a good kind of pain." 

There is a season of healing, reconstruction, growth, passion, yearning, determination, strength, endurance, discernment, and love headed straight toward me. It will hit me where I am weak and pound day and night at the places in me that are padlocked in pride and earthly passions. In 14 days I will leave for nearly 6 months. 

My brothers and sisters, please be praying comfort over me... Yes... "I will be in Hawaii," but my friends and family will be in Tennessee and I wont know a single person when I step onto that plane. For a long time I'll feel out of my element and shy, but mostly I'll wish I had my family with me. I want to grow and learn but in order to do this my heart will need to let go of familiarity. I will miss everyone and think of home often! Blessings to you my friends!

A Warrior for the King,

Bekah