Dusting Off Freedom

These past few weeks I have been thinking intensely about my return trip home; I have been going over in my head what little things I can remember from when I was last home and wondering what home will be like when I get there. Thinking back to how life was for me before I left, all I can really remember is what it felt like... I had a lot of stress built up inside of me... stress from trying desperately to impress certain people, the stress of High School, and the stress of just trying to be a good daughter (to both my parents, the church, and the Father)... It took a lot of pride shattering during these few months in YWAM for me to truly recognize the orphan spirit and religiosity I had welling up inside of me.

Right before I started writing this I was listening to some music I used to listen to all the time before I left home... and it all brings back so much pain... I can remember what I was thinking and feeling when I would listen to certain songs... Pain of rejection, pain of guilt, pain of unforgiveness and frustration.

Ok, I am making home sound really really bad... NOT MY INTENTION. Home is home- it IS one of the ONLY places I feel truly accepted, nurtured, cared for, and loved. Home is the best place on earth in my opinion. What I am describing to you in the last two paragraphs is NOT my family or friends... its merely what I had decided to live for. I had decided to be made perfect in my own strength in hopes of impressing God, parents, and friends... as a result I had stress, guilt, fear, and I felt really fake...

There is this one day in particular during my lecture phase that has really stuck with me... Ivan Roman asked our class one question... "Who are you?" Not, "Who do you know?" Or "What can you do?" ...I was dumbstruck... all I felt was fear entering in to that question because I honestly had no clue who I was. I felt like a shell.... I had an outside, but my insides where just made up of replica's of things I had seen work on other people and sermons from pastors.

I could tell myself all day long that I was ok and end up believing it by the time I went to bed... but if I had been honest with myself.. I really wasn't. So why couldn't I just deal with it? Why couldn't I just go to God and get the answers?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4efC8F98TNI

Well..... because I had forgotten the freedom I had in Him in order for me to do that. Its simple... the orphan spirit I had turned to prevented me from rejoicing in freedom. Just like Martha, I wanted to work to please God and the people around me. Just like the older brother in the story of the prodigal son, I was faithful to the Father and I stayed with Him, but that doesn't mean I took the time to just be His son. When you have freedom- you don't have guilt. When you have freedom- you have identity! You are simply His. I want to be Mary! Who sat at Jesus's feet in freedom! I want to be the prodigal son! Who returned to the Father covered in shame, but was instead greeted with pure love and freedom by the Father! Listening to the song I uploaded on my page made me remember this lesson in freedom. I have finally put off my old slave rags, the ones Jesus nailed to the cross, and have put on my glory robes! I can rejoice in failing! Because Jesus took care of it! I am FREE! I AM FREE! I AM FREE! Yes, I messed up yesterday when I got frustrated with my neighbor... but I don't have to wear the shame and guilt of it anymore! Jesus still welcomes me to sit at His feet and to dine on the fatted calf! Can I get an AMEN?!

Dust off that Freedom brothers and sisters! For He SO loves YOU!
A Warrior for the King,
Bekah

Video Update!

Our day in Bethlehem 

Hello friends! Its been too long... Quick update: Our team moved today! We had been staying in the Muslim Quarter at the Living Bread International Church housing place- which was such a blessing- $18 dollars a day and they fed us 3 meals a day 6 days a week. But, TODAY we moved into the Succat Hallel Prayer House housing apartments- one for the girls and one for the guys. Its $12 a day which is $3 under budget and such a jewel to find in Jerusalem. Its also in the Jewish Quarter which is cleaner and safer for us girls to walk around in by ourselves. So far our main outreach tactics have been relational and intercession- our main concern has been building relationships with people throughout our community as best we can and ministering to the heart of God. Once we have the Fathers heart for the day- it becomes so easy to love the people and hate the sin that holds them captive.

Our team has been so blessed so much by our Father! We grow closer together with every passing day. Believe it or not, there have been ZERO controversies between any of us. Not a single one. Our secret- have an unoffendable spirit and leaving no footstool for the devil to stand on. If one of us does something that the other doesn't like you can either assume they meant no harm and chose to keep a short account or address it one on one in love. It works! We laugh, tell each other secrets, and the best of all- we all have a huge crush on the same guy- Jesus:) I love the brothers and sisters my God gave to me to help me grow during my time in Jerusalem. Most of our conversations lately have been dedicated to finding out how we are going to incorporate ALL of our family rituals into Thanksgiving Day.

Just so you all know- merely being here has changed me forever, but more, God being here with me has made me new. He is showing me that He isn't mad or disappointed with me and that He welcomes me into the secret place as His Holy daughter. He beckons me with sweet secret names and dreams that only Him and I know. He has become my Lover, my Deliverer, my King, My Father, and my Best Friend. I nearly cried today during team time... I am at a loss... thinking back to how faithful He has been to me during this journey- He gave me EVERYTHING I needed, through friends like you, to come here! All I had to do was ask. Thank you for everything you all have done to get me here comfortably, thank you for prayers, thank you for caring, thank you for wanting to keep in touch with me during this journey.


I love and miss you all terribly.... please pray that I become more bold and confident in who I am in Jesus. I want only the fullness of what He has for me... and I cant have it unless I reach out and take it. Thank you!
A Warrior for the King,
Bekah

     Our new hood;)

 OLIVE PICKING!!! 

Looking Through Heaven's Eyes

The other day I got off the train and as I was walking home I saw three little Arab boys sitting against the fence that separates the street from the sidewalk. I heard really loud crying coming from one of them and as I got closer I saw it was coming from the smallest boy. He looked like he was around 6 years old and had snot and drool running down his face onto his school uniform. I wondered what was wrong? The older boys (around 7 and 8) weren't crying so I thought, "Hmmm, maybe their parents are running late picking them up from school and he's just sad that they forgot him." So I carried on, assuming everything was alright.

I presumed to walk up the hill but I felt like something was wrong... So, I craned my neck at them one last time to double check that the little boy was ok... But as I did, I saw the older boy get up, stand over the little boy crying, and pull a thick rubber whip from behind him and started whip-lashing the younger boy underneath his thigh as hard as he could. I was in SHOCK! I stopped, turned around, and assumed the adults walking by would see it and stop him, but they DIDN'T! They just walked on by acting as if they didn't see anything- they didn't CARE! Enraged at what I was seeing I started toward the boy striking the little one- staring straight into his eyes. He stopped when he saw I was approaching. My breath quickened and became heavy. With rage welling in my throat I intended rip the rubber whip from him and scream at him, "How could you do that?! Look at your brother!" ...but instead... The closer I got to him the more I felt Jesus. I was so mad! I asked Him, "Lord! What do I say, what do I do to stop this boy from ever harming another person again?!" He didn't answer. When I was finally close enough to do what I intended to do... I couldn't. All I could do was look into this boy's eyes. I wanted to pick the little boy up, hold him, and tell him that I would never let anyone ever hurt him again. I wanted turn the whip on the one who's eyes I was looking into... I looked up, teary from the amount of anger I had toward the boy and the adults who had walked by ignoring the cries of the one being tormented. My leader, Chris Chun, stood in front of me.. I could tell he had just seen what I had and all I could squeeze out was, "we have to do something." He looked at the boy with the whip and told him not to do that anymore. The boys could only speak Arabic... but I think they got the message. As we reluctantly turned to walk away I noticed people were looking at us as if we were strange for talking to the boy about what he had done... It made me so angry! And as we made our way back up the hill all I could think was... "what if he starts hitting him again after we turn the corner?" The realization hit me that I will never be able to prevent that little boy from ever being abused again for the rest of his life. This thought still torments me.

This place... all I know to do is be. Breathe. Take in as much Jesus as I can. Learn. Discover. Love- even when people don't deserve it. When I try to describe what Israel is like to people back home- I'm afraid people wont understand what I see. The loud, rude, and religious people... The dirty streets and dust clouds consuming the air... All I can see is family and community. All I can see is the Holy City of my King! Yes, that boy was doing a sick thing to his brother... but he is still SO LOVED by my God and still so pursued by the Lover of my soul. 

How am I doing? I feel like one of the most blessed people on the face of the earth. This group of people around me, this family, they make all the grey days worth while. They encourage me to chase after Jesus with all I have. They challenge me. They speak life into me. They tell me who I am in the Lord. I never knew prayer was such an amazing weapon! Intercession for this land is what empowers us to fight agains principalities and not flesh and blood. 

I am learning so much. Patience and peace holds me. I have never gone this long without any anxiety or frustration consuming me. The lies that I have believed over myself for years are all melting away... I don't even recognize who I was 4 months ago. I am so thankful for GOD! I am so thankful for all the people who have believed in me and have invested in me this past year. I love you all so so so much. Thank you for keep up with me and caring about me. God is SO GOOD! 

A Warrior for the King,

Bekah

No Turning Back

Being in YWAM has opened up a new thought process for me. I cant and wont go back to a normal teenage life. Traveling, trusting in the Lord for the financial support to accomplish His will, and making deep friendships and family with the community around me is so satisfying. Not to say that this life is everyone's calling or that it will be mine forever- but this is the path God has me on right now... and it is for this is reason that it is so satisfying- I am obeying Him. Im running after Him with all I've got and not turning back.

Israel... Sometimes I forget I'm here! That I'm doing this! The community that I have set up around me is just what I need. They love me and they know me. They speak life into me and encourage me to step out of my comfort zone. Even when I think I did a bad job they congratulate me and celebrate my stepping out! Its so the Love of Jesus that is knitting this group together. The Devil has no footstool. We address our problems and clear up confusion the second we recognize it. God holds us and it is so evident.

The house we are staying in is the sleeping quarters for an IHOP in the Muslim Quarter of Jerusalem in the New City. I am surprised that we haven't had a brick thrown through our window yet. The lady who leads the IHOP has had her house burned to the ground 3 times in the past 4 years. The Muslims don't like us converting their people.

I have an AMAZING testimony from the other day! Our group is in charge of praying for people who walk in off the streets or directing them to a chair and asking them about their day. This little boy, about 15, walks into the church about an hour after the call to prayer. He sat down and I felt the Lord lead me to pray for Him. So I walked over to him and asked him his name and asked if I could pray for him, but he didn't speak english. So, I hand motioned "prayer?" and he nodded yes. I prayed the Love of God over him and thanked Jesus for directing the boy into the House of Prayer. My leader, Chris Chun, walks over and we begin to hand signal questions like, "what made you come in here?" and he said it was the music. Later, I felt like God told me to feed him something, so I gave him a banana. He smiled, ate it, and just sat there for a good hour listening to the music. I was asked to come pray for someone up front and when I came back he was gone. I look over at my friend Kaylan who had been sitting with him and asked her where he went. She said he had left... I look at her hands and she was folding what looked like a rug... I hadn't noticed her having one before and asked her where she had gotten it. She unfolded it she said that the little boy had given it to her before he left. As I look at it, something clicks- it was his call to prayer rug! He had knelt on that thing, praying to Allah 3 times a day, ever since he was a little boy! And just one night spent listening to music he didn't understand and talking sign language with a couple of people had made him give that up?! I was so shocked! God works in the Spirit of man. Our God is not limited on how he works! AMEN?!?!

I am starting to wonder about my future... What will happen after I go home in December? What is God calling me to afterwards? I feel it has a lot to do with missions and travel. For right now, all I can do is trust in the Lord. Fast when He tells me to fast, pray when He tells me to pray, talk with Him like I do a friend, and Love Him with all that I've got in me.

Be encouraged friends, you are so Loved!
A Warrior for the King,
Bekah

Day Two in Jerusalem:

Today was a tour day for our group. 11 of us (one of our leaders, Chantal, is sick- please pray for her) walked down to the Wailing Wall, which is only a 10-minute walk from our hostel. The air shifts as you walk down to the square. Outside the gate there is chanting, dancing, and celebration… but as you walk through to the square there is a sense of expectancy and yearning. Women on the right and men on the left, the Wall is covered in tiny rolled pieces of paper and is wet with tears from faces pressed up against the stone. All I knew to do, in order to relieve the spirit attacking my thoughts and emotions, was to pray in the opposite spirit. I touched the wall, thanking God for sending Jesus- the Messiah- to the world and rescuing us from all evil- my heart felt relieved. I began to tremble and felt the Spirit had more for me to pray for. We gathered the girls from our team in the woman’s section and began to worship Jesus- telling Him who He is, thanking Him for all He has done, and loving Him with our mouths.

After the Wailing Wall we walked down to City of David. It was trashed and smelled like sewage. We turned out and walked over to the tomb of Zechariahs. The air felt old, cool, and pure. The Mt. of Olives was closed today so we walked down to Mary’s tomb. It was decorated in a manifest of Catholicism. It felt dark, empty, and sickly religious- it made me feel humorously nauseous. I thought it was funny that everything they called Holy looked like garage sale junk and people were worshiping it and giving money to it?! Poor Mary, I don’t think she ever intended to be worshiped before her son, GOD. Jesus is God! Not Mary. Without Jesus, Mary wouldn’t be saved. It made me ill.

We continued our journey down the Via Delarosa and back up through the Market.  There is a definite shift in the Spirit every single time you go from the Jewish quarter to the Arab quarter. The Jewish side is clean and sweet, while in the Arab quarter you are always on guard. It felt like Heaven as we walked back up to our Hostel. Jesus is so sweet. All He wants is for His people to notice it.

Pray that our hearts will stay open and sensitive to the Spirit and that we will stay strong and bold. The Lord is with us and He is risen!

A Warrior for the King,

Bekah 

Day Two in Israel

We arrived in Tel Aviv yesterday at around 4 in the afternoon. Two people from each team were pulled into a room and thoroughly questioned as to why they were here and what they plan to do. Our leader, Chris Chun, has a stamp in his passport from Oman, which landed him in the questioning room for over an hour. Finally we met up with our contacts and slept in a B&B our first night. The next morning we worshiped the Lord and prayed about what to do… We still don’t have housing. Due to the Holy Holidays everyone is flying into Jerusalem to be a part of the 3-week celebrations. Hostels are keeping us dry and warm until something opens up. 

Jerusalem is everything you could ever imagine about Israel. It is made up of stone, markets, and religious culture. I can safely say that I have never seen so many side burn ringlets in my life. Going out by myself for a night or morning stroll is not even considered an option here. The men either won’t talk to you (none the less look at you) or they will hit on you and ask you to come home with them as their wife. So far, it’s primarily the men in the market to watch out for. There are two girls for every guy on our team so they are trying their best to stick close to us girls and guard us. After a man in the market reached out at me saying he would give me 50% off on anything I wanted the leaders cracked down pretty hard on us girls never being alone. 

It is pretty sporadic right now as we try to decide where the best places to stay are as well as staying focused on our mission and trying to talk to people in a way that they will listen. However it’s all been pretty interesting! The vibe is very different compared to the US and everything is either in Hebrew or Arabic. The jet lag is wearing us down pretty hard right now, but it should be cleared up in a day or two. 

I extremely miss you all and cannot wait to post more about what God is doing! Be at peace! 

A Warrior for the King,

Bekah

Conversations with God.

I can see His beauty and perfection everywhere. Even now, sitting in the airport with my team in the midst of a 6 hour layover… we love one another. Its written on our faces. We don’t want harm on each other, we support, we provide, and comfort one another. We are just doing life, doing church, doing family…. As Chris Chun says, “this is doing family.” I feel so blessed and so renewed. When I am not in the midst of it all, I love to just watch them play with each other and watch their smiles. These people are so beautiful. I am so blessed to be on a team with them. They are goofy and always have something uplifting or interesting to say.

We just finished meeting up with Chris, Drew, and Isaac’s family. They all brought food for each of us… needless to say, we have a lot of extra food to take with us one the plane. Sitting here in the LA airport feels like such a tease. I am in the mainland, yet my family and friends are still on the other side of the country. Though, I think our layover in Newark will feel like an even greater tease. Anyone feel like driving up to meet us?! Haha:) 

I feel like I also need to say this: Be at peace- all concerned about the troubles in Israel. There has and always will be tension between the decendants of the sons of Abraham. This is why this team must walk in peace, boldness, and a love for both people groups. Be praying for us, there is power in words, not in fear or anxiety. Abba God has called us here for such a time as this, so He will not let us fall into harms way, and if we do then He has a greater plan than we could ever comprehend. We will be wise with our actions and our leaders always seem to have one ear in Heaven waiting for God to speak, so we should be safe. Also, please pray for housing. Hostels are available but not what we are looking for…

A Warrior for the King,

Bekah 

Provider, Giver, God!

Dear Friends,

            As many of you know, I have been studying in Kona, Hawaii for the past two and a half months in a Discipleship Training School with University of the Nations, YWAM. Within this time, I have really discovered the value of Love and have been digging deep and developing a hunger and a fire within my spirit to live a life of Love for God, a Love for people of all nations and cultures, and a Love for going into all the world proclaiming His Truth. I have been actively training to fight against the works of the devil in my life and the lives of people around me. I have been equipped with the Word of God and the power of my testimony! And I have been developing character traits that bring a fervent desire to serve people- all people- friends, family, neighbors, foreigners, and especially my enemies. Now, I feel God calling me to follow Him; for only in His presence will I find my rest. Spending time in fellowship and family on this base has changed my entire outlook on life and has given me a peace and a hope for my future. I believe I have a calling to be an evangelist for my King, no matter where I am in the world, but especially to the Jewish and Arab people in Israel. My heart yearns, even now, to lift up the chosen of God and to Love them to the Father. Their Messiah. Yeshua.

As the lecture phase of my DTS is coming to an end I can feel God calling after me and asking me to follow Him on outreach to Israel. Though my plane leaves in 9 days, I still need ALL pledges of financial support have to be turned into the office in TWO DAYS or I will not be allowed to go. I do not feel anxiety in my Spirit, but more, a deep urgency to follow my God and obey Him by reaching the people of Israel. I have been given a word from God to go! So I know He will provide, especially for such a time as this. For those who do not know, the month of October is a sacred time of the Lords feasts and celebrations that will be taking place while our team is in Jerusalem. The plan for our team is to spend almost three months living in Jerusalem and to travel in and out of Tel Aviv and Bethlehem; reaching both the Jewish and Arab people.

So, I am going to lay myself bare before you and just come out and ask for help and believe God will provide.

My need:

$1,500 by Thursday, September 15^th

TWO DAYS FROM TODAY

The best way for me to receive your gift in time before the deadline is for all checks or cash to be made out to my mom, Tammy Mezera. This way she can transfer all money to me electronically. If you would rather just inform me (615-636-6079) or my school ((808) 326-7228 or (808) 326-4400) of your donation and send by mail you can at this address:

Bekah Mezera

University of the Nations


75-5851 Kuakini Highway 


Kailua-Kona, Hawaii
 96740-2199 USA

A Warrior for the King,

Bekah Mezera

24 hours

The wooing, clever, forever steadfast heart of God. The romantic, savior, devoted husband heart of Jesus. And, the best friend, constant, and faithful heart of the Holy Spirit. Hearing the God Story has changed my entire outlook on the Trinity. What is the God Story? Its basically the Bible told in a time line story from God's perspective. Why hasn't the church told me ANY of this before?! That I'm not supposed to feel guilt- not if I'm saved! And why haven't they spent more time telling us that its not striving and works that save us? I have spent years trying to please God with my actions. Why haven't I been told before about how much of a romantic God I truly have? HE IS SO TRULY IN LOVE WITH ME!

There was one point during the week when our speaker, Adam Cox, got down on his knees to reenact what God must have been feeling in Malachi when He went silent for 400 years. I don't remember what exactly was happening- or why He was on his knees- because I was just so taken and overwhelmed at the image of GOD, on His knees, in ernest yearning for the hearts of His people to turn back on Him. How could I ever deny my love to a God who woos me? Did you know that God woos you! I wish I had known! Thank you God for sending me to this place! To YWAM!

After my new revelations of God I had to spend every free waking hour returning my love to Him. I began to write Him poetry- just confirming who He is, how beautiful He is, and how worthy He is! After I spent time doing that- God ALWAYS wanted to reciprocate to me who I am, how beautiful I am, and how worthy I am. What kind of a God is THIS! That He sees us worthy?! Thank you JESUS! for making us worthy!

In 24 hours I will need $2,000 dollars in order to go on missions. All I can say is- My God! Your will be done! You know what I need. You know what is GOOD! Your will be done and I will trust you every step of the way! You have said that I will go- so I trust you! Even if it gets down to the last minute before I step onto the plane- I will trust you to bring in all the money I need!

Thank you God! I LOVE YOU, MY TRUE AND EVERLASTING FRIEND!
May you too awaken your soul to the wooing heart of GOD!
A Warrior for the King,
Bekah

The More

I have discovered something about my relationship with God that is kind of simple, yet overlooked by many all the time. The truth is, the more you lean into God and yearn for the more of who He is (handing over your hopes, dreams, and rights in the process), the more He reveals Himself to you and tells you more about yourself. The more you focus on the splendor of His glory- the more filled up with His glory you become. So many people are hungry for more! They want to burn more! They want to know God more! They want to love Him more! ...Just look at Him:) Know Him like you know your friends, family members, or boyfriend/girlfriend. He wants us to know His likes, His dislikes- His pet peeves and what makes Him laugh or smile- what His favorite smell or song is. He also wants us to know that He is a gift giver- He loves to pleasure us freely!

I know He loves it when I speak out because He loves to hear what my voice sounds like. He loves it when I listen for His voice too. He loves how I dream and what I think about. He loves to dream and think with me. He loves it when I am careful to keep His secrets and He thinks its cute when I trip all over myself failing to please Him with my actions. He is precious to me. He knows how to please me more than any man could ever know how- those men didn't knit me perfectly together in my mother's womb nor designed my features/personality with beauty and excitement.

Letting go of strongholds in my life has been so freeing. I have been walking under His flooding mercy and devotion free of strongholds for a week now and His presence has been so evident in my life ever since! Though I still fight the urge to fall back into captivity of strongholds- I know I am equipped to fight against them. My life will never be the same. I am free to move in Him. I am free to rejoice in the storms of life- for HE is GOOD. I love YWAM, I love what God is doing in me and I rejoice in what He has done. But more- I LOVE my Best Friend, Lover, Father, and Dream Catcher- Jesus! The Holy Spirit leaps inside of me ALL THE TIME! For He knows He is free in me now! I have released Him from the cages of my mind and He can now shout unto the LORD! FOR HE IS HOLY AND WORTHY OF PRAISE!

My spiritual gifts have been emerging from the depths. The Holy Spirit is releasing a gift of prophesy, song, and confidence in who I am in God. I am confident in the Lord- for He is absolute truth! He is the only One I can rely on completely and without question. I cannot wait to bring a spirit of Love and Peace into the Holy Land!

WORTHY WORTHY WORTHY is the Lord God ALMIGHTY! He is good!
A Warrior for the King,
Bekah

My GOD, My JOY! My Delight!

Coming in close to the arms of God! It is such a relaxing, peaceful, gifted time. Its a never ending cycle of Repenting before the Lord with Joy in my heart!  Rebuking strongholds that bind me and casting them before the feet of Jesus! Then Accepting God's forgiveness and gifts and just Loving Him for giving me grace! I love the LORD MY GOD!!! He is my JOY and my DELIGHT! He is catching me up in His story and writing me into His pages. I have seen and heard my calling. After I laid down all my desires and rights to know who I am in the Lord- He gave it all back to me with new revelation and promise! I have entered into the secret place and I have heard the secrets of His heart! He is my closest friend, my Delight! His love weighs down on me, His beauty resinates in my eyes, I see Him working all around me. The weight of His love drains my every being- fear, doubt, hatred, passivity- I am awakening and the groan within my stomach is transforming into a roar for the nations to hear and respond! All my life is for His GLORY! All my thoughts, all my actions, all my desires!

Be free and find release in His HEART!!!
A Warrior for the King,
Bekah

Conviction

This week has been exhausting! But good all at the same time:) Our room got lice, so I spent a good amount of the week cleaning out the room while all 6 of us girls had to wash ALL of our clothes. It was a nightmare. I had to hike up and down the hill, back and forth, to and from the laundry room about 10 times. Then, Saturday and Sunday, I had work duty in the kitchen from 6-9:30 and 3-8. I didn't get any rest. And, not to mention, I had a book report due! So, Sunday night was just plain awful.

The whole time I have been here has just been so peaceful and full of love for the people around me. But, all this stuff, packed one on top of the other, has really stressed my limits. I got frustrated and angry. I didn't show it to anyone, but it was killing me on the inside. I woke up this morning, not fully recuperated from the week I had just been through, and just plain exhausted and stiff. Every monday morning the whole school meets in the Ohana Court for worship and I was just not feeling up for it. I made a commitment to be genuine the whole time I was here, so I didn't want to stand there, lift my hands in worship, and fake it. I felt God tell me to get my journal, go sit over against the wall, and just write Him a letter telling Him all that I am feeling. So I did. I told Him about my frustrations and my wants. I told Him about how tired I was, "like butter scraped over too much bread," and I just needed a week to recuperate from all that I have been taught in the previous weeks. I just needed time to meditate on Him.

After worship ended, the DTS students gathered into the classroom for our morning lecture (which usually starts at 8 and goes until 12, but we had morning worship so it started at 9 this morning). The speaker, Danny, started his sermon titled, "Sharing the Gospel." He was very enthusiastic, fun, and he was answering all the questions I have ever had concerning sharing Jesus with the world, so he kept me engaged:) Then, he stopped at 10:40, which is when we usually break for snack, but instead, Kat (one of our leaders) gets the microphone and says, "I just felt God was telling me that we just need to rest- we just need a week of recuperation and time to focus- so class will end and we will move to the prayer room where everyone can just pray, soak, and lay down in His presence. This will be all week, so everyone go spend time with the Lord."

......I couldn't believe it! God had asked me what I wanted and He gave it to me. I have the letter written down- in my journal- almost word for word of what Kat had told us. I am so blessed to be surrounded by people who listen for the voice of God and follow after Him with everything that they know!

I had a "one on one" today with one of my leaders, her name is Chamille. It seems that every time we meet I am either delivered of something or see where I need to be delivered of something. I have always had doubt in the back of my mind... like, "do I really hear, God?" or "Is God even there?" "How do I know when He is speaking to me" "What if God isn't really around?" "What if all this stuff I am hearing is just made up in my head?" Fear and doubt have been a lovers in my life. Did you know that even things that we know are bad can be idols? Its because we let them rule over us. Did you know everything bad is not of the Lord? So, when I say "fear and doubt are always in my head," I am really saying that "I let things that are not of the Lord be a lover or idol in my life." Conviction overtook me today when Chamille was telling me what the Lord was telling her. She said, "Bekah, God is telling me that He wants to use you and He wants you to walk in the fullness of you gifts- its just you are letting doubt and fear stand in your way." We prayed against it and I cried like a baby!

God, convict me again and again! Let there be nothing of earth that stands in the way of you working in my life! You are worthy! You are worthy! You are worthy of all of me, God!
Blessed are the feet of those who walk in your ways, God!
A Warrior for the King,
Bekah   

Provider!

Good news!!! Jesus is Alive!!! Jesus is King! and Jesus Loves us!!! AHHH! But really! I have good news! I have the $2,5000 that was due today for outreach! However, there is something else that came up in the meeting today. The outreach is going to cost $6,000 instead of $5,000 and the money will be due in 2 weeks. But thats ok! God has brought in $3,000 for my outreach in just a couple of weeks! He CAN do it AGAIN! He promised to provide- so He will!!! He wants us to go out into all the world proclaiming His name without fear, without shame, but boldly and with JOY! I am longing to do this! Im making plans that waste my life on Him because HE IS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS!!! I think this ministry is supposed to be my profession and God holds my paycheck. He is just waiting to give me EVERYTHING I will ever need! I love Him so much! I trust Him so much!

God you are worthy of my praise! Even if you never do a good thing for me ever again! You would still be SO WORTHY! I love you and I know you hold all the money I need. Bring it forth Father!

A Warrior for the King,
Bekah

The Waves of Youth

The staff is making all the students read Loren Cunningham's book, "Is That Really You God?" Its actually a really fun read! I can't tell if I was shaking from the excitement of reading or the two cups of french pressed coffee I had only a half hour before. While I was reading I would take breaks to look up at the waves crashing on the rocks of Magic Sands Beach. Loren describes a vision he had in his twenties- a vision of young people traveling in waves all over the globe for the name of a Risen and Living King, Jesus. I then looked up the mountain leading to up to the volcano... It is always overcast there.. I don't know why? I thought about how amazing it was that Loren's vision came true.. and that I was in that wave. God knew, from the very beginning that I would become a part of this team- that I would give up home, family, friends, security in familiarity, and status to live for His name. I am in that wave!

The truth is, I can climb that volcano- for years if I chose- but, there will eventually be an end to that climb... and when you finally reach the end- its overcast at the top.... But the waves never end. They are too strong- they can knock you over- they shift you- they challenge you- but more, they are never still.

Our class has been challenged, by Loren himself, to give up anything we have set value on and to just hand it all over to God. Sometimes, God just wants to see if we would really give up our only son... He just wants to see how much we trust Him- even if it means giving Him a living sacrifice of what is most important to us. He wants to see if we really Love Him more than what we love here on earth.

Let me tell you, It was a lot harder than I thought it would be... To mean it when I say, "God, here! I trust you with my family- have them- I give them up to you.""God, I trust you with my desire to be married with a family of my own one day- you take it- its yours." "God, I trust you to bring in all the money I need to continue with this ministry... I know you have called me here, so I know you will take care of me financially." Giving up my rights, my desires, and my worries... Its nice! Its nice for my God too, He doesn't have to fight against any other gods in my head to claim my attention anymore. He can speak right to me.

You want to hear God's voice? Lay down your rights. Lay down the idols that are fighting for your attention. God had to do the same with Abraham... Isaac was becoming an idol to Abraham and God wasn't at the center of Abraham's head anymore. Whats funny, is that Isaac was a God given gift! He was good! Sacrifice your God given gifts and rights. He knows what is best done with them anyways!

I love you BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE! May God's voice be heard in His people!
A Warrior for the King,
Bekah

The Pottery Maker

Darlene Cunningham spoke to our class today. She spoke on gifts and our specific parts to play in the Kingdom of God.

Lets face it girls (and guys, but especially girls) we can identify with the act of comparison. When we see other girls walking around with all the cute guys, wearing all the cute clothes, with the cute hair, with the cute sense of humor, and so on and so forth... we become jealous, right? We decide that if we could just change to be like them (if not better) we will feel better about ourselves. I still struggle with that voice in my head saying, "if you just had that laugh," or "If your legs could be just as perfect as hers," or "if I could just have THAT talent" my life would be better and I would be so happy! I, as much as the other person, want to discover who I am in the Kingdom of God! I have just felt like my part is so small- like I don't have much to give- what makes me so much more special than the person next to me who can do all the things that I am not so good at?

Darlene shared with us a vision she had when she was asking all the same questions I have been asking.
Imagine you are a clay pot- and the Pottery Maker has stamped you with His own stamp of completion.... then, after being with all the other pots you come back to the Maker, wave your fist at Him and say "You made me WRONG! You didn't know what YOU were DOING when you made ME!" The Pottery Maker looks down at you sad... Because He knows He has made you for a specific purpose- He has stamped you with His thumbprint and hard craftsmanship... He sees you lovely and perfect, but you just can't see it because you are too busy desiring what He has created other people or pots to be.

I don't want to wave my fist at God telling Him He messed up when He made me! If He has then He is not a perfect God, so that would mean that everything I have ever believed about Him- all my life- and everything the Bible says He is has been a lie. I don't want to wave my fist at Him! It makes Him sad. I don't want to be the cause of making my God sad. I want Him happy and smiling over me with Joy and thanksgiving! I may not know everything about what I am designed to be, but I know following Him will lead me to the right place and it will keep me in the right direction. Its so AMAZING for me to think God smiled at the completion of my perfection 19 years and 9 months ago when he set me in my mothers stomach. I love Him so much for His perfection. I love Him so much for His Love and smiles over ME!

Be blessed my brothers and sisters! Be your best at what He has designed you to be! He will bless you in the process and smile over you in admiration of His own perfection in and over you!
A Warrior for the King,
Bekah

Riding on Passion

My friends Sam and Michelle have kitchen duty with me on weekends (along with around 7 or 8 other people) but us three received the GREAT honor of being in charge of dishwashing! (it really is an honor, its WAY better than all the other jobs). Anyways, we became bored so Sam decided to play a game:)

You have 5 animals with you in a desert: lamb, lion, horse, cow, and a monkey. But, you only have enough water to feed 4... which one do you leave behind? And it goes on and on until you are left with only one that you can take with you into the city. I played the game logically... a monkey is useless in a desert, so I left it first. Then I got scared that the lion might eat me.... so I left that behind next. I would have kept the cow... but it would take up a lot of water and Sam didn't say wether or not it was producing milk so I left it behind after the lion. Then it came down to the horse and the lamb..... I had to choose which one I would leave behind wandering in the desert even though we were so close to the city.... I decided I didn't want to walk so I left the lamb behind... but, I felt REALLY bad about it!    

After we had chosen what we would leave behind Sam told us what each animal represented-

Monkey: Friends

Lion: Pride

Cow: Either Education... or knowledge.... I cant remember. 

Lamb: My Children

Horse: Passion

It was fun game! But, I had learned something about myself in the process... I want to put my passion for Jesus before my own Children. I want to put my passion for knowing God before any earthly knowledge. I want to put passion for the Holy Spirit before my own pride. If I had to, I would wander the desert putting passion for Jesus before everything! 

Why would I put passion for this God before everything? What did He do that is worthy of my passion? ...We all know the answer to that question, but do we understand and feel it in our hearts? I love my God's humility! I love my God's Love for me! (<-- I could spend hours describing the Love of my God). I love the way He comes to me- He brings nothing but Peace and Mercy! I love when I can feel his eyes on me... He calls me lovely! I love the way He provides for me! I love the friends He sends me! HE IS SO GOOD! Ask yourself why you FEEL your God is good? 

I have asked myself if I know who I am.... I am LOVED, thats who I am. I am chosen, thats who I am! I am my God's sweet, quiet, beautiful, crazy in love daughter! THATS WHO I AM! Take joy in who He sees when He looks at you! It is not with disappointing eyes and a solemn face that He looks on you with! HE SEES YOU LOVELY! He sees you CLEAN AND PURE! THIS TRUTH, my friends, is something to CELEBRATE!  

Celebrate WHO you are and HOW He sees you with this day! 

A Warrior for the King,

Bekah 

Acceptance

I have come to accept the fact that my God is not a tame lion- He is an offensive God- He is a loving God- but also an offensive God. He sent His son down to earth to break the bonds of religion and to offer the world a spiritual way of living life with Him. He challenges us, he molds us, and he gives us the choice to keep following Him. He wants communion with us so much! I feel bad for the Israelites in Exodus- having to carry the temple around the desert for 40 years just so that the presence of God could be amongst them- while we have the Spirit of God inside of us every single moment of everyday!

My Jesus offended a whole crowed of people (in John 6) and yet, Peter stayed with Him- though He was offended at the thought of cannibalism- He knew Jesus was truth, Jesus was life, and there was nowhere else he could go to get the same fulfillment. I want to be offended by God everyday of my life! You know why? Because that means that He is teaching me and rearranging me everyday. He is challenging my thought process and molding me into a daughter worthy of His Kingdom. I know this may be a confusing or "hard to process" post, but I have leaned to not put my God in a box and to filter what I hear in the classroom through the Holy Spirit inside of me. People who are offended by the gift of tongues- ask yourself.... is there any bad fruit that emerges from Jesus following believers who speak it? No. There isn't, is there? Look at the fruit before you judge the tree.

Something to think about:) I love you guys! There is much more to come this week. Our class has the ultimate privilege of having the one and only Loren Cunningham teaching us in an intimate classroom everyday this week! As well as his wife Darlene! Good stuff!

Be challenged in the Spirit my friends! Its a good place to be!
A Warrior for the King,
Bekah

Freedom

This whole trip has been dedicated to me just letting go, breaking down the walls to the box I put Jesus and the Father in, and being freed from judgments and bad habits within my spirit... I was so heart broken that I did not have any gifts in the Spirit. I thought God didn't want to give them to me. To make up for my emptiness I decided to judge what I saw happening around me. When people would speak in tongues, my unbelief would kick in and say, "Gosh, I can move my mouth around just like that and the Spirit isn't moving through me in any special way, so if I can fake it- they can fake it too." When people would give words of knowledge, "That prophesy was so universal it could be applied to anyones life." God has been draining out any unbelief I have built up over the years and has released freedom within me. The Spirit inside of me is so unbelievably powerful! It stirs me, it burns me, and it releases me. I spoke in tongues for the first time yesterday. Did you know the gift of tongues is actually the language of the Holy Spirit- it is the same language that raised Jesus from the dead.

The Holy Spirit is one of God's holy trinity! and it lives within US?! Why?! We are so weak! And worse! When we accept Jesus as our Messiah and the Spirit enters us- some of the believers in the church today DON'T BELIEVE IN THE HOLY SPIRIT! Yet, it still enters us even in our unbelief!? God is so GOOD! The Spirit is SO GOOD!

The Spirit within me has been having fun this week! For the first time- it is free to move within me. The Holy Spirit has spoken through me- it has danced within me- it is just free! I have given it freedom to move and it is! I Love the Spirit! It directs me to Jesus:) my best friend. Then Jesus directs me to the Father, who tells me His love for me every time I am in His presence. I have been seeing visions, I have been crying endlessly overcome by power, I have been speaking in the love language... It has been a crazy week.

I wish I could relay EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. of the powerful stories that have taken me to new levels in the Spirit... but it would take too long:)

Be encouraged friends! Let your Spirit be free to move- break down all the walls of judgment toward what you have seen and instead speak to the King who lives inside of you!
A Warrior for the King,
Bekah

Outreach

Ahhhh!!! This is my outreach team!

Destination: The Holy Land! May God's chosen People know their Messiah has come and is coming AGAIN!

God is so good! Yesterday I received an anonymous donation of $1,000 dollars! God wants me to go and He is making a way!!! Thank you so much anonymous donator! You are such a blessing to me and my family. God bless you friend! :)

A Warrior for the King,

Bekah

Redefining

I am redefining who I am. I break off any curse I have carried and any words spoken over me that I am "mean," "selfish," "irritated," etc. That I am "not smart," that I am "not confident." I cast every curse off of me right now for everyone to see. I am not those things. I am not troubled, I am not small. God is showing me the gloriously vibrant princess-soldier that I am for His mighty Kingdom. I walk in confidence, I walk boldly with my brothers and sisters- not jealous of who they are and their gifts- but sure and poised in who I am because I am perfectly and wonderfully and beautifully made in the sight of GOD. God is my strength. I am in love with His Son and through this I am brought together with Him!

SO many of us carry defining words over us to the point that we don't even know who we are. We are jaded by our past and feel like we will always be left behind in some way. That we will not be completely pure ever again. THAT is a LIE. It is the Devil holding what is left that he has of you. God wants it and He wants to rid of it. Be confident in who you are and if you don't know who that is- find out! Sit down, get out a journal and when things start coming to your mind write it down. When evil, dark, and mean things come to you THAT is NOT God. That is the Devil throwing insecurities at you.. and when those come, instead of writing those down- write down the OPPOSITE. Some of our biggest insecurities and curse words spoken over us are the antonyms of our greatest gifts. Our greatest treasures in the Kingdom of God.

I am made pure and clean. Over and over again. This, however, does not mean I can go do what I want- it just means I am human and when I mess up and I feel regret, remorse, or shame! God wants it. He wants it, and not only does He want it- He wants to fill up the hole we dug ourselves into and make it so that we don't fall into it EVER again!

I feel this tingling and favor and truth as I write this to you! Be FREE of the curses! Thats what they are! They are curses! they are lies! Some of us struggle with speaking curses over one another- speak love! Even in the moments where someone doesn't deserve to hear a loving word out of your mouth. SPEAK IT ANYWAYS. People respond to Love because that is who their Maker and Father is. Mothers, when you are trying to fix an attitude in your daughter- speak Love! Fathers, when you are teaching your son how to be a man- speak it in the Father's Love! Be strong and be the head over your child- cause.... They NEED it! but do it in Love and don't speak curse over their minds- cause.... They will remember what you said and believe it to be truth- they will take it as a definition of who they are in the Kingdom of God.

Friends! Be encouragers, be a safe place for the Spirit to flow through one another.  Don't judge- speak life! Don't speak curses over one another- speak Love! It will fix so many problems in the Youth Group and it will fix so many problems in your families. Don't be religious about it either- just let Jesus be in your mouth!

Let your heart and mind be set on the ONE who CREATED YOU IN HIS OWN IMAGE!
A Warrior for the King,
Bekah

Your People Shall Be My People

I found out what team I am on for outreach in September!!! Its not allowed to be posted on the internet because its illegal to share Jesus there... but I'll give easy hints throughout this post so my supporters can know:)

About 4 months ago I was sitting in my room listening to "Skeleton Bones" by John Mark McMillan and I just felt God. He told me to get down on my knees and start praying that song over Jerusalem. As I did this I got a vision of me and a mission team praying and singing this song over the walls entering the city. It was a metaphor- We were really singing this song over the hearts of God's chosen people- begging them to open up the gates of their hearts and accept Jesus as their Messiah. It was so good! But I just took it as something God wanted to do in the future... and not through me anytime soon.

On my 2nd day here, my leaders gave me a folder with directions on how to read through the whole Bible in 180 days... I thought, yeahhhhhh I could never do that. I went to go do my quiet time in Romans when God asked me... why don't you read through the whole Bible? and I said... I don't know... I guess I could take a go at it? My Dad does a Bible study with us kids every thursday morning and we just finished going through Genesis so I moved on to Exodus. It starts off describing, after Jacob and Joseph died, how the Israelites got put into captivity under Pharaoh. It goes on to show God's heart for the people of Israel and just how much He wanted them ALL to know Him- and it goes into a lot of detail of how he used Aaron and Moses to accomplish all this.

I came here, to YWAM, with the intention of going to India for the outreach portion of the DTS, but... I knew it was just me, it wasn't God's plan... so the night before the leaders were going to give us the outreach locations I said to God, "God, you know where you want me, you need to give me some kind of jump in my Spirit when they name off the place you want me to go so I know what you want instead of what I want... cause, if I don't feel anything I guess ill just put India as my first choice and You can take it from there."
Well, God came through, and let me tell you... India wasn't even an outreach option:) haha! God is GOOD!

When I was getting all the money situations together before I left home I felt God tell me to ask Him for $5,000 for my outreach. All I left home with was enough money to pay for the 3 month on campus training. When I sat down with my team for the first time yesterday they asked if we had any questions- and I asked how much this particular outreach would cost and they said..... $5,000. Then they asked how much I need to raise....... and I said..... "all of it?" haha!
My friend Michelle is going with me- to this "Promised Land";) and as she was talking to her dad in Switzerland last night she felt God tell her to ask her dad if he would be willing to give me any money.... so she did, not sure of what he would say... but......... Michelle's father is sending ME $1,000 dollars. ONE THOUSAND! I can totally feel GOD'S MIGHTY HAND on me and on what He wants me to accomplish in these next 5 months.

The team is praying, I am praying, my family is praying, and now I'm asking you to pray and ask God for the $5,000 I need by August 4th. THANK YOU everyone!
A Warrior for the King,
Bekah Mezera

Be lovers of LOVE!

Today was just another GREAT DAY. I turned in my outreach locations! (the places I feel God telling me to go in September) But, SADLY, I cant give out any information on the locations because some of the places we are going to, we will have to minister underground. Yeah, hard core, right?! haha! God, I still just feel so peaceful!!! its such a God bubble here. I actually cannot wait to go outside and do my quiet time- which is such a heart change for me. Quiet times are not a chore anymore.

Judging people, and even the presence of God in people, is something that I feel God really changing in me. I am just so alone in my thoughts when I am thinking in judgment... I felt it when I was back home, but here! it is just SO magnified how alone I am when I think that way... God doesn't think that way... so though He is with me in my body and in my Spirit, He is NOT in those thoughts. I don't and can't be without Him anymore. Soooooo... all cursing, slander, gossip, evil thoughts... I put them away from me. I feel so pure and loved by this KING this MERCY LOVING GOD! Whew! Gosh I love it here! Everyone should do this. Its so freeing.

Again, I don't know what God wants to do in me still, I could get really angry or bitter about things in the next few weeks... as my dad says, "when you are squeezed, what's inside of you comes out," so I might get really squeezed and see things come out of me that I didn't expect:) But I just want you all to know that I really appreciate you- you reading these posts (that I'm sure can be sloppy and hard to read at times)- you taking time to leave me little messages on facebook- you texting me to see how things are going- you sending me things for my birthday in two weeks- you sending me support money- you praying over me. It has been an amazing first week and I know God is going to provide for the outreach trip coming soon. He provided for the lecture phase so I know He wants me here:)

Again, thank you for your patience with me and just being support! I love you all so dearly. Thank you:)
A Warrior for the King,
Bekah

Dirty Mail.

 I have a deep secret... something I have only ever talked to God about. Its what has been weighing on me most of my life, especially here- because here, I am alone, I can address things within myself freely, and I don't have to be anything but myself.

I felt like, at home, I had built up a reputation for myself in the church (especially in the youth group) and at school. My title: the innocent, the spiritually hungry, charismatic, Jesus lover... It was genuinely me! don't get me wrong. But... I didn't want to make any mistakes- worst of all- I couldn't let my progress slip or fall behind, I didn't want to mess up. I didn't want to give myself room to fail... and if I wasn't hearing God all the time- I was failing in my walk with God.

Growing up in a Charismatic church made me feel left out. People were always getting an anointing from the Holy Spirit, they were getting words of knowledge, they were falling on the floor, getting gold dust, speaking in tongues. I never received any of it, but I WANTED to SO badly. Secretly, I would pray and ask for it. Whenever the speaker would get up with words of knowledge I would BEG God to give him one for me...

Into my teen years, I started to just accept that maybe God didn't want to give me any of that right now, maybe later... But, I kept asking for it and kept being expectant and hungry for a word from Him. As years went by my list of what I wanted spiritually from Him got shorter and shorter... I stopped asking for gold dust, stopped asking for Him to knock me down to the ground, stopped asking for the power of tongues... Finally, its gotten to the point, today, where I am only asking Him for two things: to get a word of knowledge and to hear his voice. With this acceptance, that God didn't want to speak to me the way He did to some people, came building up a wall of religion in knowledge. Knowledge of God was easy to master. Knowing truth was simple, and it wasn't going to fail me because it WAS God's truth, right? maybe that was our relationship... me just knowing His truth...? Me praying and talking to God, but Him only answering back when He felt I was worthy or prayed the right prayer.

Today, during staff testimonies, God started speaking through this guy's testimony sooooooo much that he had to stop telling his own story and just start speaking the Father's love over all of us. He asked people to stand if they had never felt the love of God before... seeing all the people who stood made my heart stir. I just started crying. I don't know why?! I had felt His love many times! But.... I have been secretly asking Him the entire time I have been here to just let me feel Him... in that moment, I became so overcome and overwhelmed by something? so I just went with it, haha:) After I calmed down, doubt started in my head...
I have had a bondage of doubt over me for a long time... doubt that God moves through the Spirit, doubt that anything is real, doubt that He even speaks to people....

....Out of nowhere this staff member, Chris Chun, walks right over to me and says he has a word of knowledge for me:
"I feel like you are doubting, I feel like you have felt God tugging at your heart, and though you are hungry for it, the knowledge you have stored up in your head is hindering your Spirit to move. God wants you to know that He hears you, He sees you, He wants you, and He is going to reveal Himself to you. He is going to break through the wall of knowledge you have built up and enter into you and take you. You can feel Him cant you?"

...........I started to BALL! I could not believe that had just happened to me.... what he had just said to me was MY dirty mail! It was MY secret! I didn't want people to know I had doubt! I didn't want people to know I had built up some religion as a comfort blanket in my head! I didn't want anyone to know that sometimes "i just don't feel anything!" How dare he know about all that! but, at the same time, God! how much YOU LOVED ME enough to speak about my deepest darkest secrets to another person... just to show me that you do KNOW ME! YOU DO HEAR ME! YOU DO SEE ME! YOU DO HEAR MY HEART CRY! YOU DO LOVE ME!

It was so awful! but SO good! I just couldn't believe that I had FINALLY, after all those years of asking, had just received a word of knowledge from GOD?! WOW. Today blew my mind away and realllllllly woke me up a whole lot... this place is CRAZY.

May your heart of hearts be free of dirty mail. May you feel God tugging at you! He receives your heart cries!
A Warrior for the King,
Bekah

Identity

Today, I spent most of my time in the classroom. We had a 3 hour group session then an hour with just the girls. The idea of possessing a genuine and true identity in the Lord was really hitting me over the head throughout all of the meetings.

I left home with an idea of how I wanted my relationship with God to progress and what I wanted the end result to look like. Today, the staff members whacked me over the head... God knows how He wants to progress with me, He alone knows how to please me... So, I have to let go and just let the flow of His presence direct me and love on me... Its different for sure, I love being in control when I am at home... but here.... i don't want to have control... at least for right now, i'm fine with being set free from the bondage of my own will and strength. I don't know how I will feel in the weeks and days to come or what struggles I will face within myself- but today- I feel free. 

I want my identity to shine, and through that, I want people to feel a presence exerting from me that is not my own when they are around me. For this, I have to give all of me until all that is left of me is God- then we can flow in an endless cycle of me giving myself to him and Him giving Himself to me until we are so perfectly united in a holy marriage. He is already giving and giving- I just have to reciprocate. I have come to find that this life is all about me reciprocating to Him... He is constantly present, its me that isn't.  

Today was so encouraging. The woman I talked about in my "first day" entry... the one who prayed with me over my homesickness... She told me she felt God give her a couple of girls to keep up with- draw near to- and pray special things over. She said that from day one I was one of those few girls. She said she sees much in me and wants to be there to support me. It makes me feel beautiful and precious to the Kingdom:) 

May you find identity solely based in His presence! 

A Warrior for the King,

Bekah

Prince of Peace

Though I have talked a lot about feeling homesick (literally- sick. Webster understood the definition of the word;) there has been so much peace. I feel peace everywhere I go, at all times of the day, everyday. Its not me just feeling rested! Cause... I'm tired:) Jesus wants me here. I feel it more and more as the days go by and the homesickness begins to be less and less powerful over me. I miss home, I really do, but I am so blessed and thankful to be here. God brought in the EXACT amount of money I needed only 2 days before I left. THAT is nothing short of a miracle and a sign from God that He wants me here. There are no coincidences with our Father, this I know to be TRUTH. Though I still need money for the outreach in August, I know God will bring it if He desires me to follow Him across the world... again:)

Your prayers for me to feel at home and peaceful and to make new friends fast... They have been 100% answered! Please keep praying and encouraging me! You have no idea how much good it does me. May God reciprocate and bless you as you keep blessing me with your thoughts, prayers, and gifts. I remember each and every person who has offered me their services and prayers, it means so much.

Today has been so good. Worship was lead by this woman who has the same exact voice as the lead singer of the Cranberries... except it was even better because she was singing to Jesus and she was Asian... haha:) She reminded me of Misty Edwards. She was a piano MASTER:) I just felt my heart leaping at the very thought of my King. I felt Him. He wants me so much. Day by day, I feel myself giving into Him more and more.

Class was so encouraging. Its like God was speaking straight to me through the testimonies of our Staff. They each snuck a message into their testimonies and they were addressing all of my concerns and worries. Peace is such A GIFT! I never want to feel anxious ever again.

May you feel the presence of the Prince of Peace!
A Warrior for the King,
Bekah

Day Four

Its been a good day here in Kona. I just got back from a 2 hour long walk to and from Walmart with my new friend Alexandra. We treated ourselves to some Starbucks on our way back. 

Im sitting on my bed watching some parasailers as I write this:) 

I asked God, on my way to my kitchen duty, to show me something about Him today... or to at least speak to me in some way... 

The kitchen is run by Silas. He is a middle aged Brazilian and is working very hard at learning english (he is hard to understand at times because he forgets simple describing words like "under" or "behind"). He is extremely driven- he likes things to be perfect and if things aren't perfect he will send you back to do it over again. He is really funny when he is content- all of us DTS students work just to keep him happy and content:) When he is not content, he is very unhappy and stressed.

I was put in charge of washing dishes as people finished their meal. It was during this when I realized something for the first time... I was paying- a lot of money!- to come here and do some hard and tiring chores.... I wasn't mad or upset, mostly because I knew I would have work duty before I came here, its just that I dissected the reality of it for the first time... Then, the more I thought about it, I finally understood why everyone handing me their dirty dishes were so thankful and nice to me! They all knew I was working hard for nothing! It was during one of Silas's unhappy moments that I was wondering what lessons will come out of having a work duty. I wondered what they were trying to teach us? Were they trying to make us stressed and tired so they could brain wash us like Josiah's Navy camp? 

In mid thought, this lady walked through the dish rack line and said, "Thank you! May you have a double portion...." A double portion of what?! What the heck did that mean?! I have had that said to me SO MANY TIMES, especially after I find myself working overtime without pay, and I had NO EARTHLY IDEA what it meant! 

At the end of the shift Silas walked us around the kitchen showing us where we screwed up and where we did very well. Then he said something that meant a lot to me.... "I want you all to grow up to be responsible- I want you all to desire to please others. But more, I want you to be strong and desire perfection for the sake of making others comfortable. It hurts me when I see young women and men disrespecting themselves and others. This is why you work all day- so you that you can begin a pattern of doing this without getting anything in return except warm hearts and a blessing from the Lord." 

I went to my room and googled a "double portion...." It basically means "a double anointing from God," or "a double blessing." I wonder what else God wants to give me? He is giving me a good work ethic, He is giving me patience, He is giving me peace and taking away anxiety. Right now... all I want is His voice. 

A Warrior for the King,

Bekah

Day Three

It has become easier to cope with the fact I am here without my family. I still feel sick to my stomach at the the thought that they are all together and I'm not there, but then I remember that they have to go back to school and work, and all my friends are going away as well. There is a 5 hour time difference... I am the type that wants to sleep at 9 on the dot... so 5:00 here is exhausting. I feel bad that all I want to do is sit and pray while everyone is going crazy at worship, but God meets me just the same I think:)

I have made new friends here! Everyone is just so nice and funny. I can be at peace and ease when I am active. Kitchen duty was really fun this morning:) I have to be back to set up dinner at 3... but that is 4 hours from now. I have a lot more free time then I thought I would have. Its nice... though, when I am alone in my room I think about home... it hurts so much. Alexandra is from Mexico and she is in the same boat as me. She is the oldest in her family and this is her first time being away from home by herself too. We both sat in our room and cried as we Skyped our family's yesterday. Its nice to know I'm not the only one feeling this way. We both think the worst of the homesickness will pass within a few weeks...

I feel the peace of God everywhere I go. He wants me so badly, I just don't know what I have to do to give all of myself to Him. I want Him to speak to me... I feel like I am always giving a one way conversation. Though I feel His presence, I need to hear what He is thinking and what He wants to tell me. He has spoken to me through so many people already... but I need to hear His voice.

Your prayers are working! I have felt nothing but peace and acceptance here:) Thank you for your kind words and thoughts! I need them so much:)

A Warrior for the King,
Bekah

First Day

WYAM Kona: Day One

There are so many rumors floating around campus about what wildlife gets into your room at night. So far what Iv'e seen... Beetles, ants, and lizards. I walked in and thought the lizard sticker above my bed was goofy... it wasn't a sticker. All the colors are so vibrant! Green has never been so dominate. I can see the ocean from my bed, its perfect.

I have 6 roommates. Sarah is the only one I know really well so far. She is from CA, she is really outgoing, and extremely generous. If I didn't have all the brothers and sisters I do, she and I would be exactly the same I think. We have a lot in common. One of the girls is from Japan... i am not even close to being able to pronounce her name. She doesn't speak any english, so me and the other girls communicate through hand motions and smiles. There is one girl from Mexico. She has an elaborate name as well. Jessica sleeps across from me. She seems really nice, I think we'll get along just fine. The girl under me is not around much, she has kitchen duty in the morning and she seems like she knows exactly what she is doing... as for myself and the other girls... we don't have a clue. 

The homesickness settled in 10 min before I had to start saying goodbye to everyone. Its extremely difficult for me right now, knowing my family is all together and I'm not with them. I cried most of my way on the plane and a good part of my first day. I had to get water last night (we need a Brita in our room so bad) so I was walking around trying to find some when I ran into this girl Alexis (every staff member here wants to know your name and wants you to know theirs... I'm not even trying to keep up at this point), she asked me my name and wanted to know if I needed anything, I told her I was looking for water and she pointed me to some about 7 feet away from me. I said "thank you" and started to walk away when she asked if I needed prayer for anything... I thought to myself... "oh gosh, please just let me get my water and go to bed." So I said "sure, I have poison ivy, we could ask if it could go away." She walked me to this concrete area where we sat down and she asked me again if there was anything weighing on me... I had been crying about the same thing all day, of course there was, so teary eyed I said "yeah, I miss my home." She started praying about things that were tugging at my heart and told me that it helped her when she had homesickness to pray for each family member individually. I thought... "oh goodness, you're going to be here a while, sister." But I did, I prayed for each one and the worries I had for each one. It helped a lot. So I went straight to bed last night feeling calm and went right to sleep.

Everyone is praying the same thing over me... that I don't just have the head knowledge of God, but that he is my best friend, that he becomes a part of me. Is it that obvious that God has been the one I pray to and talk to, but don't feel reciprocation from all the time. Is he supposed to reciprocate all the time? I have a lot to learn and even though everyone is saying these 6 months will go by fast... I still miss home.

A Warrior for the King,
Bekah

We are a Holy People

When I get mad at my mom, or my dad, or my siblings... dealing with it or talking about it can be tricky.

Being mad at a friend is a completely different scenario compared to being mad at a family member, mostly, because you can deal with it easier.

1) Your family will take your side... lets face it. Even if I was wrong my mom or dad would tell me where I was wrong, but they would still have my back just the same...
2) You can walk away from a fight with a friend and go think... with a family member... not so much. You can still hear their voice booming from downstairs, or worse... they could walk right up to you before you were ready and you would have nowhere to run.. you're already home.
3) Talking to your family about a fight with a friend is fine, your friend is probably doing the same thing with their family and no one in your house gets too distressed or disturbed by you talking about it with them... But.... when there is a fight on the home front, your family becomes stressed, on edge, and tight... If you want to go to a family member to talking about a fight you had with another family member, you are not "just talking about a fight" you are talking ABOUT that PERSON, a person both you and the other family member trust and love- which will come off as backstabbing and gossip, two forms of betrayal that can tear and rip a person at their core. The worst part- the family member that you choose to go talk to you, you bring down right with you- the person you had the fight with now feels betrayed and hurt by BOTH of you for talking about them behind their back.

Living in a big family is even more difficult when it comes to dealing with arguments. "One person saw something that the other didn't," "this person is lying," "this person is right and that one is wrong," one simple conflict between two people can turn into a blood battle between two sides. Recruiting people- a simple yet effective tactic to sting the very heart and soul of other person... and the worst part... is that we know it does.. which makes us evil. 

Proverbs 12:26

A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

I have thought about this a long time... I asked myself who do I want to be? Do I want to be the cause of turmoil and distraught between friends and loved ones? What can I do to make a loving home? What can I do to keep the peace?

...Go to God with my problems...???

He tells us to doesn't He? You think there is a reason for that? Maybe for a few of the reasons I just named? 

Ephesians 4: 26-32 says:

^{Be angry, and do not sin, do not let the sun go down on your anger, nor give place to the devil. Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.}

I like to lay in bed after a good fight with my family... I like to go to the "home inside my home" where I can be somewhat "alone." God told me something today that spoke volumes to me... 
...When I go to Him with a fight, it doesn't change his feelings for the other person. It just HURTS Him to watch what both me and the other person are hurting and suffering from... all the anger and turmoil... its Evil. We weren't created to have knowledge of Evil. We weren't created to go through this... When Adam and Eve ate the fruit... they discovered something that was supposed to be foreign and set apart from us. We were created to be Holy creatures. We weren't made to be cut out for the knowledge of sin. We weren't made to be cut out for the knowledge of Evil. Why do you think it hurts so much? 


By going to Him, the one who holds all knowledge, and telling Him about what happened- about how I am feeling- He is hurting right with me. He would be hurting right with me regardless of wether I went to Him or not... but for me to see my God, my Creator, my Father hurting with me and hurting for that other person- gives me just a bit of a taste of how we were meant to be, and Just How Much it Nails Him to the cross OVER and OVER again when we choose to 1) try and deal with the pain and knowledge, which He is sovereign over, by ourselves and to 2) fail in the process. WE WEREN'T CUT OUT FOR IT. We just weren't. We were made IN THE BEGINNING to be Good. We were made IN THE BEGINNING to be Holy.........
......How much would it pain you to be set apart from something you created? and then brought together AGAIN by the Blood of your Holy and perfect Son! but yet... still set aside by your creation by their own choice? 

I hate what this earth has to offer... I HATE it. The only good I get while I am here in this world comes from the only good that exists. And thats My GOD!

Yearn for Him brothers and sisters! We are a HOLY PEOPLE!
A Warrior for the King,
Bekah

The Walls will Crumble.

As I near the hour of my departure, I feel myself becoming more and more scared to leave the comfort of my home and family. I have never been away from home for longer than two weeks (and even then I went to Lake Tahoe with my brother to be with my Aunt, Uncle, and cousins). This will be my first trip- by myself- a million miles away from home- without the comfort of knowing exactly what the destination will look like. When I begin to doubt myself and start to fear the days ahead, I pray about what this YWAM DTS is going to be all about for me. I pray about what God wants to teach me. I think about what He wants to change in me.


The expectations to meet while I am in the training program:

• Learning to hear and obey God's voice through the Word of God and the inspiration of the Holy Spirit.
• Understanding the world we live in and the importance of worship, intercessory prayer, community and spiritual warfare.
• Discovering callings and gifts.

What I feel God is really going to pound into me is learning how to love people more. He is going to teach me how to forgive people. To be patient with people. To stop judging people. I feel that I am going to hear Him more and listen for Him more. I feel I am going to discover my calling and gifts. I know this trip is going to impact me in more ways than one, but I also know the process is going to strip my soul bare of pride and it will hurt... a lot. 

My mind wanders to that one scene in "Voyage of the Dawn Treader" when Eustace is still a dragon and he is scratching at himself trying to take off his scales. What really hits me about this scene is that it takes Eustace aching and weeping before Aslan, asking him to help him, for Aslan to finally scrape deep into the dragon flesh and change Eustace back into a boy. I think God is going to be scraping at my inner flesh in an effort to transform me into a better daughter. Into a better sister. Into a better friend. Its going to be painful and it will burn, but it will be "a good kind of pain." 

There is a season of healing, reconstruction, growth, passion, yearning, determination, strength, endurance, discernment, and love headed straight toward me. It will hit me where I am weak and pound day and night at the places in me that are padlocked in pride and earthly passions. In 14 days I will leave for nearly 6 months. 

My brothers and sisters, please be praying comfort over me... Yes... "I will be in Hawaii," but my friends and family will be in Tennessee and I wont know a single person when I step onto that plane. For a long time I'll feel out of my element and shy, but mostly I'll wish I had my family with me. I want to grow and learn but in order to do this my heart will need to let go of familiarity. I will miss everyone and think of home often! Blessings to you my friends!

A Warrior for the King,

Bekah 

The Purveyor

I have learned to just ask... God, I need money for this trip. God, I really need my summer job at Deer Run back this summer. God, I really want a yearbook and the school sold out. God, I need things like bedding, toothpaste, soap, and summer clothes for this trip. Oh, and my hair iron broke... need a new one.

Asking God for things I want and need has always flashed in my mind... but I only just realized... though it occurred to me to ask him for things... I never really did... maybe I thought I had... or maybe I thought it showed weakness, so I would kinda just let him know I needed something, that way he knew what I needed and I didn't have to come out and ask him... that way I didn't have to bother him with little things and he could choose to accommodate me or not. Asking my parents for things in the past has always either made me sick to my stomach or just made me feel really bad... it shows my weakness of not being to be able to provide for myself. I hate asking them for things... they have 8 other people asking for things... things they really need or want too.

Finally, I realized... I need this money. I need it, and my parents aren't going to be able to provide for all of it by themselves. Why cant I just ask God for it... I mean, he has the means to provide for it all.. and MORE! ...and doesn't he want to provide for me? I mean... this trip is all about our relationship? why wouldn't he want to provide it for me, for us?

So I asked Him. God, I need money for this trip, please help me get it. The next day I asked him again, with more faith than the day before that he would provide. And then I asked him again the next day, and so on. Though I didn't see much money come in at first, I had a really great friend tell me something, "Bekah, have you ever seen that Narnia movie, Prince Caspian? Well, though the kids had faith Aslan would show up to conquer the army attacking them, they had to call out and ask him to come, but they also had to work in the mean time. But when he did show up, he didn't just conquer the other army, he destroyed them, and had means to destroy them again if he had to." What she said was a metaphor for what was bothering me... I had to ask God for money, but I also had to work in the mean time with faith that he would make my efforts plentiful and that they would multiply.

I was sitting in AP Psychology when God told me to write down everything that was sitting in the front of my mind, things that only he could provide. 1) Money for the trip. 2) My job at Deer Run. 3) A yearbook.

God, please provide all the money I need for this trip. God, please provide my Job. God, please get me a yearbook. These are the things I asked Him for... again and again.

Days later, the school called... they had an extra yearbook for me. A little over a week later.... "Bekah, can you start working with us again this summer?- Fred." Three weeks later...God showed himself to me again by giving me the $1,000 I needed by June 7th. And I know he will provide the rest... I just have to keep trusting in Him, asking Him, and keep working.

Some things have come up... Im going to have to provide everyday things for myself while I am in Kona, and I wont be able to get a job to do that. This trip is all about watching God provide... about talking to him, about making him my best friend, about making him REAL. I know he is going to provide the other $7,000 and more! You know how I know? I asked him too, and I have been working in the mean time... :) ....Well, off to my job at Deer Run!

May our King bring you riches! ...whatever that looks like to you, keep asking and working :)
A Warrior for the King,
Bekah